Within the first few minutes of playing “Deadpool,” the player is given the choice of making the titular character take a dump. There’s a fitting metaphor there somewhere. What’s worse is it reminded me of another game from a couple years ago that also gave the player the option to take a crap in a toilet, “Duke Nukem Forever.” Now before I get hate-mail from literally two people for not being a fan of something I criticize, I actually love Deadpool as a character. I’ve always found him to be funny and generally stand out among his other Marvel contemporaries. When I heard he was getting his own game I jumped for joy. I especially loved the first trailer for his game. But again, guess what other game’s first trailer made me think the game would be awesome? DUKE FREAKING NUKEM FOREVER! So without further ado, here is my review, of Duke Nukem Forev-I MEAN “DEADPOOL!”
This is the part where I talk about the plot of the game but this will prove difficult because within the first ten minutes Deadpool throws the video-game’s script away and draws doodles of women in bikinis and turds on the script. This is after the scene where High Moon Studios (the people who made the game in real life) say they won’t fund his new video-game idea about himself. So he blows up part of their studio and they reconsider the offer. Perhaps the detonation of their studio offers some sort of explanation for the end quality of the product but look at me I’m already getting ahead of myself! If you can’t tell what I’m doing, I’m trying to give you an idea of the story by just explaining what happens in a brief chunk of it. Now if you’re already confused and wondering why the game doesn’t have a plot then that means it’s working! BECAUSE THIS GAME HAS NO PLOT!
The graphics are disgusting just like half of what comes out of Deadpool’s mouth. At best it looks like an early PS3 title, and not one of the good ones! Stiff animations abound and both character and environment textures are hideous and the cut-scenes don’t fare much better. Something has to be said when a game that features several busty babes looks so bad; even during cut-scenes, none of said babes look that attractive. Even longtime fans of “X-Men” regulars like Rogue and Psylocke will be disappointed at how unsightly their character models look. As such, every scene Deadpool spends time drooling over their female parts (yeah, all four hundred of them!) turns into an unintentional comedy because they don’t even look that attractive!
The gameplay in “Deadpool” isn’t much better. Combat is extremely repetitive and not nearly as diverse as it should be. The developers were clearly going for a third person shooter and hack and slash hybrid but it just does not work! The shooting is sloppy and results in major inaccuracies when you try to line up shots and yet strafing while firing bizarrely results in head-shots more often than not! What’s more, nothing about the swordplay is cool or creative in the slightest.
The level design in “Deadpool” has to be among the worst I’ve seen in awhile. The first level is a sewer level, aka the worst kind of video-game level ever, and not once does Deadpool poke any fun at it. Each and every level is aggressively linear, with no incentive to explore and yet despite this, it’s easy to get turned around and not know what exactly to do.
The nail on Deadpool’s undying coffin is thus: it’s not very funny. This is the worst possible outcome for a game whose protagonist literally throws away the script in the first ten minutes of the game. There were a couple of moments that got a chuckle out of me, but not nearly as much as the dialogue he had in “Marvel vs. Capcom 3.” And when a character’s dialogue in a game where he’s the main character isn’t as funny as that from a game where he’s one of like twenty different characters, there’s a problem.
“Deadpool” is the worst kind of game. It’s the kind where there is legitimate reason for making such a game and good potential. But High Moon studios has proven that they neither had the budget for such a product nor the proper vision. I remember playing “Aliens: Colonial Marines” earlier in the year for about four hours and thinking “Yep. This is definitely worst game of the year award winning material,” but now, I think “Deadpool” deserves that award more. The only good thing about the game is its length. Beating the game in the whopping five hours means that’s less time you have to spend listening to Deadpool and his two alternate personas babbling about internet cat pictures while slicing up the same enemies you’ve been fighting since the first freaking level of the game while listening to the game’s disturbing lack of a soundtrack!
Deadpool gets a 2/10.
- Deadpool Review (setinstonegaming.com)
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- Emily S. Whitten: Deadpool – The Game! (comicmix.com)
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- Casual Comics Guy Reviews: Deadpool Kills Deadpool #1 (casualcomicsguy.com)
- Deadpool review (gamesradar.com)
- ‘Deadpool The Game’ Launch Trailer (analogaddiction.org)
- Review: Deadpool: Merc with a mouth is all talk (o.canada.com)
- Deadpool annoys you into compliance (mysanantonio.com)