Every so often, I find a movie that just makes me lose all hope for humanity. I’m finding it hard to believe that such a movie has garnered such a cult following in as short of a time as it has. I am of course speaking of “Sharknado,” a movie that set Twitter on fire shortly after it’s initial airing on Syfy. For any of you out there who haven’t bared witness to the unholy hell-spawn that is “Sharknado,” consider yourself lucky.
The story is as follows: There’s a tornado of sharks. The end. Oh wait I forgot all the pointless and uninspired babble between each and every one of the movie’s annoying characters.
The dialogue is bad to the point of making you bleed out your ears. It’s like the writer(s) didn’t even try to make it funny they just watched a couple of B horror movies and went “Yep. This is how normal people talk and it certainly won’t bore people to sleep.”
The acting is bad, and not of the good-bad variety. If you don’t know what I mean by that, go watch “The Room” or “Troll 2,” two movies which I would have gladly wasted two of my three wishes from a genie on, rather than have to watch this. Hell I would have rather watched “R.I.P.D.” or a “Paranormal Activity” movie rather than this B.S.. That’s how bad this movie is.
Sorry about that, where was I? Oh right the horrible acting. Yeah every actor, seriously, every freaking actor is horrible. It’s like they didn’t read their script or know that it was a Syfy production and thought it was a serious movie. As such, they try to give their takes on a “serious” performance and not a single actor, even Tara Reid, gives a memorable performance.
Reiterating what I said in the previous paragraph, it really feels like nobody but the intern who likely came up with idea and never got any credit for it actually knew it was supposed to be a ridiculous movie and not a shitty serious Syfy movie that seems to get made every other day on that TV station. And this doesn’t just apply to the acting. The dialogue, the writing, the plotting, the special effects, it’s all done as if it was “Ghost Shark,” a movie that was advertised heavily during my viewing of it and looked infinitely better than “Sharknado” if only because it looked only moderately bad.
Speaking of the special effects, hell do I even need to say it? Sure they’re not “Birdemic“ bad but I still get the sense that a film crew of recent film school graduates could’ve made something infinitely superior to this malarkey.
It’s been awhile since I’ve seen such awful camera-work. Every single shot is horrible. This isn’t helped by some of the worst editing I have ever seen. Even most YouTube videos have better editing than this movie.
You know how most people go to see slasher movies to see Jason Vorhees or Michael Myers kill teenagers? Well even if you go into “Sharknado” you’ll still be disappointed. Whether or not there’s gore or any gratuitous violence in each kill seems completely up to the Goddess of Whimsy because half the time a shark died from a shotgun blast to the head, something you’d expect to result in copious amounts of blood, is generally gore free and seems to happen in a single frame.
“Sharknado” is everything that’s wrong with bad movies. It is by far the worst use of an hour and thirty minutes I have seen in a long time. It makes me look back at all the bad movies I’ve seen in the past year, and long to see them. You can literally do anything other than see “Sharknado” and your time would’ve been well spent. My suggestion is that you spend your time acquiring every physical copy of “Sharknado” through legal means and set them all fire.
“Sharknado” gets a 0/10
- Sharknado (2013) (ellenwatchesmovies.wordpress.com)
- SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE Coming July 2014 (geektyrant.com)
- [Movies] Sharknado (2013) (geeky-guide.com)
- ‘Sharknado’ Almost Red-Band Trailer: A Tornado + Sharks = Immeasurable Danger (screenrant.com)
- Sharknado: The L.A. Chainsaw Massacre (brandsandfilms.com)
- ‘Sharknado’ Sequel: Tara Reid Is Up For It And Syfy Is Eying A Follow-Up (VIDEO) – Huffington Post (huffingtonpost.com)
- Tara Reid says she’s up for a ‘Sharknado’ sequel (upi.com)
- Syfy Officially Greenlights ‘Sharknado’ Sequel (variety.com)
- ‘Sharknado’ Sequel Confirmed by Syfy (justjared.com)
- ‘Sharknado’ and Syfy’s Booming B-Movie Factory (origin-www.businessweek.com)